I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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