I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
