Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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