you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
