did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
