Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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