There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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