sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
