At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
