He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
