i think my mom watched the whole time
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
