I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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