jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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