Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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