New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
