good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
