i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
