There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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