Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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