I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
