oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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