Yo dont text me then not text me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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