I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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