I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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