I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
