Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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