I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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