How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
