Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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