Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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