I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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