I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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