for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
