oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my phone needs a breathalizer
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
