For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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