Screwed.edu
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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