I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
