i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize