He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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