There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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