dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
