You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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