I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
