I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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