brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
