YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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