I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize