I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
