What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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