hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
