Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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