You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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