She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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