He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
