now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pants are for mortals
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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