please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
