I forgot how hot balto sounded
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
