How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
