Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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