he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
