Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
