Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
