I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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