when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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