Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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