What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize